wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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