I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
