id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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