He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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