but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
