i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
