Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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