Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
