I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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