She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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