So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
