Midget sex pt 2 tonight
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
