ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
