he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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