sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
