Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
