you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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