I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
