I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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