"it" just moved
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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