You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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