The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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