Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
