Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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