I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
