I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
