i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
