Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
