I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This toilet bowl is my home.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
