I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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