Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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