TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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