Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
