You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
