S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
