think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
