I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
