Dual....:-)
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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