remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
