Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
