I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
