that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
