does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
