Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
