He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
