I molested 6 butterflies tonight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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