Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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