If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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