She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
