Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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